one of my girlfriends only tells the truth. my other girlfriend only tells lies.
Charles Darwin once called a bombardier beetle a "little inconsiderate beast" after it shot hot acid down his throat. The reason the beetle managed to do that was bc Darwin tried "gently" holding it in between his teeth, because he was searching for beetles and found some rare beetle that he could not let escape, and since he already had a beetle in each hand he needed to free up one of his hands to get the third beetle.
my gf used to work at five guys and when she’d come home she would stink like cheeseburger and dick me down insane style (minimum wage dick hits different iykyk) and even after she got a better job for like a good year i would get wet every time i walked by a burger place because of the smell
i love seeing every reblog on this post because virgins inevitably tag it like “this is FREAK BEHAVIOR why would you EVER POST THIS it’s DISGUSTING” and people who fuck tag it like “hell yeah. kinda hot”
Holy shit can you imagine looking out your window to see this over across the road.
This is one of those tiktoks where you’re immediately excited just from the thumbnail
It’s all the ass slapping for me
I’m so confused.. half of them were arching
I’m about to infiltrate a group of these “straight” men
I love this so much, I’m gonna start saying “nuts” we need to bring it back
I love b&w proper ladies breaking character with “sonofabitch”
Villain: “You and I are very much alike, you know.”
Hero: “I realize that.”
Villain: “Doesn’t that trouble you?”
Hero: “Why would it? I share most of my genome with sewer rats.”
Villain: “But our similarities mean that, deep down, you’re a bad person. There’s nothing stopping you from being just as evil as I am!”
Hero: “Sure there is. I’m stopping me.”
Villain: “But in your heart you crave—”
Hero: “Sometimes when I’m in a crowded building I get the sudden urge to just boop a stranger right on the nose. But I don’t do it, because that would be super rude and weird. Does having that compulsion in the first place make me just as much of a weirdo as if I had acted on it? Maybe it does in your eyes, but to the would-be boopee, it makes all the difference in the world.”
Villain: “We’re not talking about booping noses, we’re talking about killing peop—”
Hero: “Look, dude, I’m sure murder can be really satisfying. But I’ve decided that I don’t want to murder people, and I think that’s very sexy of me. Look at me. With a little self-restraint, you might have had what I have.”
Villain: “But surely it disturbs you, doesn’t it? To know how close you are to snapping. Don’t deny it. There’s so much darkness in your heart. Do you really think they’d still love you if they knew? They’d be disgusted by you. They’d hate you, for thinking so much like me.”
Hero: “That’s the difference, isn’t it? Between you and I. One tiny difference. That’s all it takes. That’s the line between good and evil.”
Villain: “What?”
Hero: “You saw your own darkness and let it destroy you. You surrendered to it the moment you realized it was there. You threw open the door for it and welcomed it inside and let it rob you of your humanity without even a word of protest because you just couldn’t imagine it was something you could fight.”
Villain: “And you, oh-so-sanctimonious one?”
Hero: “I said ‘no thanks’. That’s it. That’s the difference.”
Villain: “Did you just—did you just—”
Hero: “Boop your nose? You’re right. It did feel good.”
Villain: “Well, you’ve had your fun. I suppose you expect me to come back to the angels, right? To find the light that was within me all along? To realize that, deep down, I’m really a good man at heart?”
Hero: “No. I don’t believe in that crap.”
Villain: “What?”
Hero: “I don’t give a shit who you are ‘deep down’. That doesn’t matter. Good guys, bad guys—there’s no such thing. Just people. Just people who get up each morning and decide whether they’re gonna try to save the world or burn it down.”
Villain: “If there’s no such thing as a ‘good person’, according to you, then what on Earth would be the appeal of redemption?”
Hero: “I’m just saying. Maybe you should try a new morning routine.”